It seems it was just yesterday finding myself wishing I was there for my first day of kindergarten. In retrospect these years haven't flown past at all but time after time and year after year it makes you wonder just what have you achieved in life?

Not to say I haven't met many weird and wonderful people, I've had many great experiences but I find it funny how we always remember the worst things in life. I for one don't really give a shit anymore. Do my usual documenting on deviantart then get straight back into actual living.

I'm watching a documentary right now called "Religulous" which a documentary which fundamentally bashes Christianity whilst bashing most others. It's a very funny doco if you're not a christian of course.

A quick wow update on the side I've now got 3 tier 7 pieces and things are progressing painfully slow. At least I got my winter veil achievement done I guess.

So what have I learnt from last year? Quite a lot actually but something tells me I'll never learn from my mistakes. I've learnt that I can be easily manipulated by words when I'm under emotional stress to the point where I actually believe something to be true.

I've learnt I can actually get somewhere with my skills but sometimes it just involves looking pretty and having tits. (Actually I kinda knew that one already)

I've learnt that some people are just better off not being my friend which in turn also gave me a lesson in that not everyone has a good side to them and even if they do they can't help but hurt you even if they don't mean it and you should just stay the fuck away.

I've learnt that juggling a full-time job is possible while studying while staying healthy and playing computer games. Give me a medal please.

I've learnt sometimes loneliness can't be avoided. You shouldn't embrace it but you shouldn't hate it either. It's just a matter of fact.

I've finally accepted some people pure evil.

I've learnt Scientology and Mormonism believe in some whacked ideas (in great detail too). Makes you wonder just how sane some people are. Wouldn't it be funny if we turn out to be the crazy ones in the end.

I've learnt coffee and cigarettes can be a sufficient diet.

But honestly of everything that's happened this year I've come to realise I don't have a goal in life. I've always wanted to belong that's all I ever really wanted but I know now that's just a fool's dream. Maybe that's why spiritual stuff are best left alone. Perhaps I'll go for something more tangible this year.

I know I've always wanted to become an illustrator but now the novelty has rubbed off. Part of me just isn't satisfied with anything unless I'm spiritually there... yeah it's fucked up. So now my new goal is to become an animator. Who knows maybe in another 25 years I'll be sufficient in a whole lot of shit but never sticking to anything.

Funny thing was I thought I'd be ranting about how I hate new years and festivities but I think I finally gave up on giving a fuck. It's just another year by myself. The fireworks stirred me a bit as I recalled the years that have gone past when I would spend that moment with loved ones but that's all in the past.

Is it something to worry about perhaps? Not caring seems to be a bad thing... I just want to feel something again, numb that's all there is. Even I consider that as happy nowadays. If I'm not feeling shit it means I'm happy, that reasoning sure makes the world go around a lot quicker.

That said it doesn't mean I'm a bitter person at all. I'm all full of jolliness and smiles. Happy new year chap and chappettes. May the new year bring you new fuzzies and reasons to slashwrists like emos.